My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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