Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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