you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
