I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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