U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
