I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
