i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
