a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Couch. On fire.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
