yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
