when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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