Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
