I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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