Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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