god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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