So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
