I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
