He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
