Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
