It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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