Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
