they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
