saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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