The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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