i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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