what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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