we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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