i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
