just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
