Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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