All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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