Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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