im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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