Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
