was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
