He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
