we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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