Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
