you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
True strength comes from lack of pants
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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