I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
