he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
