You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
