you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
