So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
