Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
