Sponge bath it is.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
