She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
