I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
