my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
