He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
