Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
