this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you're hired as official boob wrangler
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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