Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
